this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
