Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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