I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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