I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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