is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
