i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
