I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
did i walk over a car last night?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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