I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
