hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
