Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
