she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
