I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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