I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Someone signed my nipple.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
