she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
