Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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