So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
