It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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