The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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