Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
