There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
