i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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