Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
being pregnant is like rehab
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
