Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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