I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
