The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
