I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
