You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
