dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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