he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
