Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
