literally had 100 drinks last night.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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