I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
