Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
