At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Randomize
