I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This is my gift to your gina
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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