apparently the secret to your success is patron
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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