just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
