Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
