on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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