you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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