genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
