I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
