i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Say something about gay babies.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
