After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
