I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
