I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
