she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
