I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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