Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
