he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
